He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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