when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
