508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
