I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
