can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize