That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
