All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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