I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
