um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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