the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
