fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Enjoy the penises
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
