Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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