u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
