the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
FUCK WHALES
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
