You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i believe in u and ur pee
This toilet bowl is my home.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
