i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
