Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
