whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
