Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
