Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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