this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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