if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
