I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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