in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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