Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
