I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
