Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
