Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
