look no pants
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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