He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
