I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
only if we run a train.
done.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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