im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
