how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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