I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize