Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
