Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
