I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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