I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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