u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
