One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
