Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
