Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Someone shattered a urinal.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
