Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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