I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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