and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
When are your genitals available?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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