Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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