The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
