I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
