Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There r osticjed everywhere
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
