FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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