just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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