Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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