Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
