Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
