I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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