you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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