I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
