Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
