apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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