john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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