She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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