she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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