If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
