I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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