i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
