Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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