do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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