the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
