maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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