I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
