I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
