My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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