He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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