Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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