The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
