All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
