Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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