If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
