Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
