that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
