You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
