I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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