Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
