Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
